Things Worse than the Penguins Signing Jack Johnson as the 5th Defenseman

Things Worse than the Penguins Signing Jack Johnson as the 5th Defenseman

Greetings Jobbers! Happy days are again! With free agency off and Jack Johnson signed as the 5th defenseman and everybody freaking out because “HERP DERP HE’S THE SUX!!!!!!!1111111111111” “HE WAS A HEALTHY SCRATCH IN THE PLAYOFFS!!!!!111111111111” “THIS IS PROOF THAT JESUS DIED IN VEIN, THEN LEGALLY CHANGED HIS NAME TO “FUCKING”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111, I seem to remember another guy that played the same position that “sucked” and “Was already in his 30s” and he kind of panned out alright …..who was that guy again? *scratches head*… Oh yeah, this guy:


Now here’s a list of things far worse than Jack Johnson being the 5th defenseman.

  1. Ed Olzyck’s excellent coaching adventure.
  2. Rico Fata’s career offsides record.
  3. Tom Barrasso’s bar fighting career. (0-1, TKO’d)
  4. Martin Straka’s weight machine.
  5. Mark Recchi’s bald spot.
  6. Mike Johnston’s blank expressions.
  7. Drake Berehowsky’s bogus journey.
  8. Ian Moran’s frosted tips.
  9. Beau Bennett’s skeletal structure.
  10. Bob Errey’s rapist pedophile mustache from the 80s.
  11. Craig Adams’ glass jaw.
  12. Michal Ouellet’s Geico caveman complexation.
  13. Mike Yeo’s lack of eyebrows.
  14. Steve McKenna’s one day tenure as team captain.
  15. Steve Downie’s mental stability.
  16. Shane Endicott’s amazing inability to do anything.
  17. Joseph Melichar’s remaining shoulder ligaments.
  18. Jaromir Jagr’s gambling debts.
  19. Keven Veileux’s racial tolerance.
  20. Chris Bourque’s one-man crusade against gravity.
  21. Dan Focht’s big stupid doo-doo face.
  22. Billy Tibbetts’s entire life.
  23. Al Iafrate’s skullet.
  24. Brayden Holtby’s neck beard.
  25. Phil Kessel not being a 3pete Stanley Cup Champion.

Well, that’s all fucks…. I meant folks, …no I that’s a fucking lie, I did mean fucks.


Until next time, goodnight, good luck and most important of all go fuck yourself.


Thank you, Fuck you, Bye.



Thanks again for a great post Hutz!