Greetings Jobbers! Happy days are again! With free agency off and Jack Johnson signed as the 5th defenseman and everybody freaking out because “HERP DERP HE’S THE SUX!!!!!!!1111111111111” “HE WAS A HEALTHY SCRATCH IN THE PLAYOFFS!!!!!111111111111” “THIS IS PROOF THAT JESUS DIED IN VEIN, THEN LEGALLY CHANGED HIS NAME TO “FUCKING”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111, I seem to remember another guy that played the same position that “sucked” and “Was already in his 30s” and he kind of panned out alright …..who was that guy again? *scratches head*… Oh yeah, this guy:
Now here’s a list of things far worse than Jack Johnson being the 5th defenseman.
- Ed Olzyck’s excellent coaching adventure.
- Rico Fata’s career offsides record.
- Tom Barrasso’s bar fighting career. (0-1, TKO’d)
- Martin Straka’s weight machine.
- Mark Recchi’s bald spot.
- Mike Johnston’s blank expressions.
- Drake Berehowsky’s bogus journey.
- Ian Moran’s frosted tips.
- Beau Bennett’s skeletal structure.
- Bob Errey’s rapist pedophile mustache from the 80s.
- Craig Adams’ glass jaw.
- Michal Ouellet’s Geico caveman complexation.
- Mike Yeo’s lack of eyebrows.
- Steve McKenna’s one day tenure as team captain.
- Steve Downie’s mental stability.
- Shane Endicott’s amazing inability to do anything.
- Joseph Melichar’s remaining shoulder ligaments.
- Jaromir Jagr’s gambling debts.
- Keven Veileux’s racial tolerance.
- Chris Bourque’s one-man crusade against gravity.
- Dan Focht’s big stupid doo-doo face.
- Billy Tibbetts’s entire life.
- Al Iafrate’s skullet.
- Brayden Holtby’s neck beard.
- Phil Kessel not being a 3pete Stanley Cup Champion.
Well, that’s all fucks…. I meant folks, …no I that’s a fucking lie, I did mean fucks.
Until next time, goodnight, good luck and most important of all go fuck yourself.
Thank you, Fuck you, Bye.